Do you have an assertive voice or a wimpy, quite voice that causes your friends, family and business associates to often tell you to get a grip and stop acting like a scared, little mouse?
You may not be that over the top, yet “finding your voice” of determination and assertiveness is key to becoming a success, literally and figuratively. Being assertive doesn’t mean being aggressive. Those are two different things. One is taking a stand and the other is being a bully.
Is it difficult for you to assert yourself out of fear of what may happen? Are you afraid the other person my become angry and yell at you? It has happened of course, but usually the person who does lose it and becomes angry is either a bully or just masking the person they really are; another scared, little mouse who learned how to roar simply to intimidate.
Assertiveness is an indication of your self-esteem and self-assurance in your identity as an individual. When you lack assertiveness your career and life can be affected in a negative way. It can impact your career prospects and the quality of the life you live. It’s important to build your leadership skill development. If you are always a follower and never a Leader, success will be nearly impossible.
If you are someone who is not assertive and believe you’re alone, think again. Go to your computer and “Google” how to be assertive and you will find over 1,300,000 results on that one subject. So you have a whole tribe of people just like you out there searching for the answer to find their “inner warrior.”
A great place to start is to begin by recording yourself speaking.
With permission from a few good friends, you can call them on the phone and record how you interact and communicate with them and listen to it over and over to really get an idea of how you sound to others. Then you can stand in front of a mirror, have a script in hand and pretend you’ re giving a lecture to a group of people.
Yes, initially it will be for a group of one, (yourself) yet as you become more self-assured and proficient you might consider giving a talk about a subject you know enough about in front of a small group of people at your home, your church or club.
Pay attention to how you use your voice. Do you speak quietly, too fast or too slow? How do you phrase your sentences? Is your grammar correct? Listen to well-known speakers or “Thought Leaders” like Brian Tracy, Bob Proctor, Jack Canfield and others on CD or DVD. Watch their body language and how they simply personify self-assured and assertiveness.
Notice the tone of their voices. Whether you’re a man or a women, find someone you admire who has the voice and attitude you’d like to master. In NLP or Neuro linguistic Programming (think Tony Robbins) you are taught to “match, model and mirror” a person or persons who personifies the kind of person you’d most like to emulate.
You may even consider a voice coach. It may only take a few sessions to learn how to breathe, change the tone of your voice to sound more commanding and it’s a lot faster if you want immediate gratification. Once you make a few changes in the way you sound and communicate, everyone around you may be in for a big shock at how much you’ve grown and admire you for going the extra mile toward self-improvement.
Keep in mind, a strong voice comes across as authoritative, credible, trustworthy and knowledgeable. A soft voice comes across as kind and friendly yet many times it is perceived as someone who is unsure and timid. And a soft voice does not give others the feeling that person is a Leader.
The pitch of a voice is very telling. Have you ever heard someone with a nasally, whiny voice? This may sound harsh, but most people are simply irritated by the sound of some people’s voices and even make fun of them. Of course that isn’t good or right but human nature is what it is.
Develop the sound, cadence and tone of your voice. If you have any doubt, make the changes suggested and be prepared to see your life transform.
Do you find yourself constantly saying you’re sorry to others because you are hyper-sensitive in believing you did something wrong or offended someone? Stop doing it. If someone is offended they will more likely than not let you know immediately, especially if they are one of those “assertive types.”
In addition, if you are always apologizing people will pick up the fact that you have no self-esteem and you may find yourself in the position of “convenient doormat.” There are people in the world who are very much like sharks in their temperament. Many of them could be someone with even a tiny bit of power as a boss or if they are extremely successful.
We’ve all run into them at one time or another, and like the shark, they can smell blood in the water. The office wimp will live a life of pure hell and won’t last long. No one has the desire to be the butt of the jokes from the office bully.
It’s astonishing how many people don’t even have a thought in their minds that changing things about themselves is not a bad or negative thing. If you have a junky car that screams; “LOSER,” when you drive it to work or even around town and people give you strange looks or write “wash me” on the hood when you’re in the local mall, wouldn’t you like to move into something that shows you look a little more successful than you do driving the old clunker?
From the way you speak, the way you dress and yes, to the car you drive will tell the world you are either on your way up, or on the way down, or perhaps you’ve always been “down.” Of course you don’t have to go overboard and put yourself deep in debt to make a good impression, but during this economic turn-down there are some great deals on cars out there. Finding your voice is more than how you speak. It’s about the whole package.
Changes happen in several ways. When you change the internal voice (your mind) then follow with the external (your behavior patterns) you begin to shift into another level of competence and the actions you take will put you on the road to success-maybe even in your new car.
Have you ever heard the expression; “Shift happens?” Yes, it was sort of “edited” from another less classy expression, yet it says a lot. Of course your mind is the machine that drives your body and your life but if necessary you can begin your transformation on the outside while at the same time begin the internal mind-work that can make your changes a permanent part of who you truly are.
You are unique, special and there is no one on earth just like you. Make it your goal to be the BEST YOU possible. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Find your voice and ROAR!
